Here is a bit of humor I wrote some time ago as my contribution to the whole redneck “thang” and thought would be a nice change of pace (My apologies to Jeff Foxworthy). I promise to get back to the immune system in the next article.

Hillbilly professors:

Spend all their Nobel Prize money on beer and cheetos.

Wear camo lab coats with the sleeves cut off.

Are not just absent minded. Their mind is really absent.

Like to read the course syllabus to the class as one extended burp.

Like to hum the tune to “Take this job and shove it” while passing by the dean’s office.

Say in their lectures, “Of course there’s a hole in the O zone. If there weren’t, it would be the big round thang zone.”

Keep a pit bull in the lab to take care of problem students and to clean up hazardous chemical spills.

Wonder why the NRA doesn’t give out research grants.

Want the administration to give Dolly Parton an honorary doctorate in Architecture.

Wonder what’s wrong with having a monster truck rally in the performing arts center.

Think those high-falutin’ fraternities and sororities should use normal letters like the rest of us.

Wonder why lady mud wrestling is not sanctioned by the NCAA.

Think Bassmasters should be on PBS.

Curse all the government red-tape that prevents studies on the use of nuclear devices in small game hunting.

Think the song “Achy breaky heart” has philosophical significance.

Spend their sabbaticals at Graceland.

Use a fishing pole as a pointer with the bait still on it.

Want Bo and Luke Duke to speak at graduation.

Frequently answer student questions in class with the phrase “Well, ain’t you a piece o’ work”.

Don’t think matriculation should be discussed in public.

Wonder why there arren’t any Rambo movies in the university film festivals.

Think the alumni is a body part.

Snicker every time they abbreviate Assistant Professor as Ass. Pro.

Like to get drunk before watching Shakespeare.

Wonder if a nuclear winter is the solution to global warming.

Believe the “Smokey and the Bandit” movies were made to expose the ultimate consequences of rampant capitalism.

Think Magna Cum Laude is latin for “Mr. smarty pants”.

Think the old washing machines in their front yard will make prime nesting sites for South American Condors.

Commonly practice yoga in front of “A Team” reruns.

Are seeking arthropod nature preserve status for each of their dogs.

Have tattoos of big hearts that say Mater.

Offer As to anyone who can “”whup” my sorry #@@”.

Wonder why Burt Reynolds never did Hamlet.

Use the overhead projector as a moving spotlight when picking a student to answer a question.

Have to periodically scrub white out off of their computer screens.

Give thirty minute lectures with, two minute commercial breaks every ten minutes.

Try to get students to go for double or nothin’ when arguing over grades.

Wonder why there are no banjos in the symphony recital.

Yell “So long sucker” after each student’s name is read off at graduation.

One of the most amazing aspects of acquired immunity is that it knows the difference between our own substances and those that are foreign to our bodies. When this breaks down, our bodies can generate immune responses to our own products/tissues resulting in damage. Diseases in which this occurs are called autoimmune diseases or autoimmunity and include common ailments such as arthritis, diabetes and lupus. Autoimmune diseases are very complex and can be very debilitating. Dr. Lahita’s book makes the complexities of these diseases understandable to a non-medical non-scientist audience. And the result is a fascinating read.

I enjoyed even the basic immunology at the beginning of the book even though it contained no new information for me personally because the approach was so fresh that it showed me new ways to deliver this information to my students. I also found the second chapter on general autoimmunity very interesting. I enjoyed the clinical aspects of this book for reasons very different from why I liked the basic science. I found the author’s descriptions of clinical diagnosis fascinating as I should think anyone would who has even the remotest interest in medicine or a good detective story.

I think the title of this book is unfortunate in one aspect. You don’t have to be a woman to find it interesting. However, I think most men would agree that Dr. Lahita has earned a place in “guy heaven” by telling a primarily female audience that sex is good for their immune systems. You only have to be interested in women to be fascinated by this book. And that should basically include everyone. Chances are you know someone who has an autoimmune disease, even if you don’t realize it before reading this book. It is also true, as the author points out, that men get autoimmune diseases too.

Some of you may not want to read every chapter of this book. But I would recommend the first two chapters and the final chapter on alternative medicine to everyone. These chapters provide excellent information on the immune system and how to keep it healthy. They also tell, of course, how to improve your health if you do happen to have an autoimmune disease. In addition to chapters on your own favorite diseases, I recommend the chapters on autoimmune diseases that are common in the US, including rheumatoid arthritis, type I diabetes, lupus, and the thyroid abnormalities.

There are a number of books out there about immunity written by people who don’t know what they are talking about. Dr. Lahita knows it, lives it, and breathes it.

The immune system has exquisite timing. When you get an infection, immune responses are directed toward the offending agent such as a virus. These responses start on time and they stop when their job is done. This aspect of stopping on time is one we take very much for granted. Imagine that you got the flu, then got over it, but felt like you had the flu the rest of your life. This is what it would feel like if your immune responses to the flu were not smart enough to shut down once the virus had been eliminated. You can’t have it both ways with these responses, they are either waging war or it is peace-time.

A lot of herbs and other natural products are supposed to make us healthier by stimulating our immune systems. The problem is that inappropriate stimulation of our immune systems can get us into big trouble. And this big trouble might be even worse than feeling like we have the flu when we don’t. This could help bring about allergies or autoimmune diseases or possibly even leukemia (a type of cancer of the leukocytes).

During peace-time, you can build up your troop strength, which is good to a point. This is the kind of thing that proper nutrition, exercise and stress reduction can do for the troops of our immune system. But this is very different from actually stimulating immune responses and deploying those troops into battle. With some of these immune system stimulating herbs and other magic elixirs, you could actually be fooling the body into thinking it is infected or has cancer, (unless of course, they don’t stimulate the immune system, then you are just wasting your money and not actually compromising your health).

I am also skeptical about some of the products that claim to prevent cancer because they stimulate leukocytes in cell culture or in experimental animals. First off, in many cases, the agent is administered in different amounts and/or by different routes in these experiments than would be used by humans. Secondly, if these agents stimulate immune responses against pre-cancerous or cancerous cells, you should probably only take them when pre-cancerous cells first arise. Unfortunately, most of us don’t know we have cancer until much later when the immune system faces an uphill battle.

Some people argue that our bodies are not adapted to the level of hygiene which currently exists in developed countries so that our immune systems don’t get stimulated enough by microbes. This is called the hygiene hypothesis. If this is true, then maybe our immune system does need a jolt or two now and then. However, such jolts would be most useful in childhood when our immune systems were still figuring things out. Even if the hygiene hypothesis is true, the best cure for this lack of microbial stimulation is probably the “good” microorganisms such as those in active yogurt cultures or acidophilus milk, that have been found to be safe and inexpensive.

Eat a healthy diet. Give your kids (not your babies) some yogurt. And let your immune system decide when its time to be stimulated. It knows.